All right, Austin.

Dear Majority of the Citizenry Here,

I originally suspected you should have your driving privileges revoked. After today I realize this wouldn't even scratch the surface of the surface (or the surface's surface's surface) of the issue. Really, it's your vehicles that need to be revoked. And, while we're at it, your roadways. What needs to happen here is the reimplementation of dirt roads and the horse and buggy. Let's take away your power steering, the anonymity afforded by your tinted windows, and, Dear God, Please, your CrackBerries and your BlueBeards and all the other overpriced, shiny toys with which you insulate yourselves from any accountability you have for participating in your actual surroundings.

With all due respect,

Allison